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Oct 04

P-H-O-N-E

Speaker : Clement Chio

 

Clement Chio Division ContestI sat myself in front of the computer, opened my browser and got ready.

With my iPad on my left, and my iPhone on my right, I waited.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1! 6pm. I frantically keyed in my username and placed orders n my desktop, on my iPad, on my iPhone, and I waited to be logged in. I waited, and waited, and waited, and YES!

Server error. Please try again.

What? NO! I must get in. I tried again. This time I was more determined. I opened 10 more tabs on my browsers and did the same thing again. Username, Orders, Send. Username Orders Send. Username Orders Send. Username Orders Send!

And I waited, and I prayed. Surely one of them would have gotten through.

And yes! I saw one of the tabs change! I clicked on that tab and I had indeed gotten through.

I clicked on it and read what was on the screen.

Sorry Mr. Clement Chio, the 128gb iPhone 6 plus is sold out. Please select another model.

WHAAAT!!

I was angry, I was devastated, and I began to smell a conspiracy theory.

Maybe Apple didn’t ship the iPhone 6 to Singapore. Apple shipped only 6 iPhones to Singapore.

I was so furious, that I marched down to the nearest Starhub shop, banged my fist on the counter and bought Samsung.

 

Contest Chair, Chief Judge, Fellow Toastmasters & Friends.

All of you should have realised by now, that I’m a huge Apple fan. When the new iPhone was launched a month ago I was so excited that I called my friend in the middle of the night and exclaimed “iphone 6! Iphone 6!”

She thought I was a pervert.

There are 2 opposing camps in the world right no – Apple & Android Fans

Of course, there are those who use Windows phones, because they have no choice.

And there are those who use Blackberry – these people are found at the museum.

But I believe that whatever phone you use, we have reached the stage where we cannot live without our handphones right now.

When you wake up, what is the first thing you check? Repeat after me, your hand.. Handphone!

When you wait for public transport, what do you use to kill time? Your.. Handphone!

When you feel pretty that day and want to take a selfie, what do you use? Your.. Handphone!

When you go to toile and do big business, what do bring along with you? Your..

Not sure about you guys. I still prefer to use.. toilet paper.

Can not only bend. Can fold.

Well, you know that handphones are getting too mainstream when even your mum tries to be funky.

One day, while at work, I received a message from my mum: LOL

I was surprised. I didn’t know how to reply. And what do you do with messages that you don’t know how to reply? You send a smiley face.

Beep Beep. It was my mum again. She said: Your cousin just taught me how to type faster. ROTFL.

“Yea. It can be quite funny sometimes.” I replied.

Beep Beep. My mum messaged again. This time, only 3 letters: WTF?

I was starting to get concerned. So I asked “Are you OK?”

Beep Beep. “No! KNNBCCB!”

Something was wrong. So I hit the dial button and called her. It was quite noisy in the background.

“Hey Mum, what has cousin been teaching you?”

“He taught ROTFL. Means, Retrieve Only The First Letters.”

“Right, that’s not what it means, but why did you say WTF?”

“You said it can be quite funny sometimes, so I asked you WTF – Why’s That Funny?”

“That’s also not what WTF means. So what do you mean by KNNBCCB?”

“Oh that. As you can hear in the background, KNNBCCB –

Karaoke Noisy. Neighbour Blasting. Cannot Continue. BYE!”

So ladies and gentlemen, this is an important lesson: please text with proper english.

Leave the acronyms to the acronym experts – the Singapore Government.

Also, ladies & gentlemen, this little phone also poses a security threat for us.

I’m sure you heard that hackers breached the iCloud servers a few weeks ago and many celebrities’ nude photos were leaked and sold?

There’s something that the news didn’t tell you.

Hundreds of MY naked photos were also stolen.

The hackers called me and offered me $1000 to take them back.

 

In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen, what is a Phone? P-H-O-N-E

First, it starts out with a P – a purchase (if there’s stock)

Then it does a H – Hold you Hostage

Then you reach an O – Obesession, Overuse, Open miscommunication

And what is N? Naked Photos!

Do you have naked photos in your phone? No? Good!

Then we haven’t reached the last stage – Extinction of the human bond.

Don’t let a phone control you. Don’t let it hold you hostage.

Don’t let the direct human bond we have between ourselves erode away.

The best form of human interaction, is direct communication.

Like how you are hearing me right now, directly, and not through a.. phone.

Leave some love below! <3

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