May 11

Getting Fat

Speaker: Clement Chio
Clement Chio talks about himself being.. Fat!

Clement Chio talks about himself being.. Fat!

You know guys, there are some parts of your body you wouldn’t want to become shorter.

For me, over the years, it started disappearing. I didn’t notice at first, but now, it’s embarrassing cos you may not see it when I show it to you.
I’m talking about… my neck.
What were you all thinking?
I love making new shirts. I’d always make a few for Chinese New Year. I love it when shirts fit nicely and are not oversized nor too tight fitting.
But you know something is wrong not when the tailor comments that you have gained inches on your waist, or butt.
It’s when he starts asking you “so which part of your neck do you want me to measure?”
And it obviously doesn’t mean I have a long neck!
He just doesn’t want to measure my chins by accident.
To be honest, I’ve been fat all my life. Sometimes I’d like to prove that point to friends by showing some photos of myself in my younger days.
The comment I always get is “Whoa Clement what happened to you? You were so skinny back then!”
 If I were born before Einstein I would be still fat but more famous than him. Cos that, ladies & gentlemen, is what we call the Theory of Relativity.
Though now I unabashedly say I’m fat, being plus-sized is really inconvenient.
I only can take photos in angles that make me look good, or at least, seem like I have a defined chin & neck;
I can’t put my wallet in my pocket because either my pants will be too tight or I’d be bulging at all the wrong areas;
I’ve had my fair share of split pants;
And everytime I of the beach I’ll always get the singlet tan while all the other hunky guys will get all the even golden tans, and all the bikini babes.
I always admire guys with chiseled god-like bodies. Fortunately I also got a god-like figure:
Laughing Buddha.
But in the past few years I did try my best to try to get back in shape.
I was actually deciding if I should sign up for a gym membership or a marathon.
Well, I decided on the marathon.
I guess it’s better for me in the long run.
So in 2010 I signed up for a series of runs before the marathon and I completes my first 10km run in 4 years
while the rest of the contestants only took an hour or two.
When I signed for the marathon I chose the Medium sized singlet aiming to be able to fit into it by marathon day.
And I trained so hard, running almost every other night, from 5km runs all the way to 30km trainings to prepare myself, I felt fitter, I felt more energetic, I felt invincible
and I also felt like a dumpling when I tried to wear that Medium sized marathon singlet.
Have you seen a dumpling run?
You never will – because that singlet is now chucked way at the depths of my wardrobe.
Sometimes I try to console myself that I’m fat because I’m have big bones.
But who am I kidding right?
Bones don’t jiggle when I run.
So I embarked in my next weight loss strategy.
You see, all the trash that is on the internet these days are millions of suggestions on how to lose weight, how to get six pec abs, how to get ripped without any exercias at all, and how to get a larger , fuller, longer and extremely satisfying… life.
And amongst all these trash I thought I’d try the most legit option – detox.
So for 7 days at one point in my life, I had to eat and drink nothing but a special concoction of citrus, celery, tomatoes and chilli.
Yea? Yucks right?
And it was Tortourous!
“Hey Clement, let’s go for lunch!” “No I can’t”
“We’re ordering Macdonalds.” “No I can’t”
“Boss is treating us for a buffet dinner!” “No I can’t!!”
“Can all of you just stop talking about food in front of me??”
Well, but I must say that the diet detox plan was pretty effective.
In about 7 days I lost exactly one week.
I did lose about 4kg as well, which was not too bad!
The second week of my detox was much better.
Because I was off it.
I was trying very hard though to control my meals to prevent any relapse of the weight which I had so painstakingly lost in that one week:
I went on a salad diet: Potato Salad;
I drank Diet Coke instead or normal Coke, when I ordered my KFC, upsized;
I’d abstain from buffet dinners, and go for buffet lunches instead.
And within the next 3 weeks I gained back whatever I had lost.
Well, I should have expected this right?
After all, I’ve heard and read do much about such diets that have a yoyo effect on weight.
Although, maybe a combination of my 2 weight loss efforts should work.
The best way to lose weight would be to eat when running – half the food won’t even go into the mouth.
But at the end of the day being chubby isn’t that bad after all isn’t it?
I always tell people that I’m not tall, handsome nor skinny, but at least I have good skin and I have good teeth.
And also, I’d be one of the last person on any kidnapper’s target list.
I also always tell people that I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
And lastly, my dear friends, do search GroupOn often.
They have superb buffet deals now and then. All of you should go for buffets once in a while.
Because if it’s going to take a while for me to be slim again,
maybe I’ll just focus on making my friends around fatter than me. 🙂

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