Sep 04


Speaker: Clement Chio


“Ok boys, here’s the plan.

Team A, you will take the hostage, and march up to the enemy. Stall them for as long as you can. Don’t give in.

Team B, we’ll go around the territory and sneak in by the back door. Once we’ve infiltrated we’ll catch them unawares from within.


“YES! LET’S GO!!!”

*handphone beep*

At that very moment, an incoming message..

From the enemy!


“Guys, if you want to survive tomorrow, here’s what you have to do:

You’d… need… to…

Dance Nobody Nobody But You by the Wondergirls


If not, you won’t get past us to the Bride!”

We looked at the groom, who has already started to search YouTube for the Music Video.

And there before you know it, a bunch of macho guys are practicing Nobody Nobody But You *clap clap*.


Ladies & Gentlemen, Fellow Toastmasters and Guests.

Today, I’d be talking about the special group of men that are so important to every Traditional Chinese Wedding Ceremony.

The special group of men that the BrideGroom can never do without.

This special group that the Groom so wholeheartedly entrusts, are called the Suicidals.

I’m joking. They are called the Arrowed friends.

They are the Grooms Best Bribed friends.


For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Chinese wedding festivities, here’s what usually happens on the wedding day:

The bride will be at her parent’s place, sitting pretty in her room for the last time, in her gorgeous bridal gown and all dolled up ready for her groom to receive her.


But for the groom and his groomsmen, it isn’t going to be easy.

He has to go through the gatecrash, well guarded by the bridesmaids, or affectionately known as the sisters, who will demand humiliating stunts and devouring lethal concoctions and on top of those, a big fat red packet before being allowed to receive his bride.


Whichever Chinese woman designed this custom, is a genius.

It’s a subtle precursor to the marriage telling the Groom

– You have to do everything for me, no matter how ridiculous it seems.

– You have to eat whatever I cook, no matter how terrible my cooking is.

– You have to fork out whatever amount it takes, if you want to have me by your side and

– I’m the best woman for you – because all other women will only give you hell!


To the men, how many of you are married over here?

Can you remember the all the crazy antics you were made to go through at the Gatecrash before getting to your Bride?

Can you remember all the disgusting food you had to eat and the silly drinks you had to force yourself to drink?

Can you remember all the money you had to spend on all the money grubbing women?

No no not talking about your ex-girlfriends.

Unless the bridemaids were all your ex-girlfriends lah.

Then you’re good.


To the women, how many of you are married?

Ok thanks.

To the rest of the ladies who didn’t raise their hands,

I’m still single and available. My phone number is 91456032. Ya, message me your phone number ah? Thanks.


Yes, I’m not married yet.

But I’ve been part of many Grooms’ contingent of special forces probably more than 15 times.


I mean, I’ve interacted with 15 different sets of bridesmaids altogether

and I’m still single!


But we guys will never complain whenever one of our friends ask us to be part of their Groomsmen.


Let me share with you why.


First of all, deep down inside us, guys like to be part of a team.

Manchester United, Lakers, X-Men, Avengers, Ninja Turtles – we have been wired to identify ,,with and love the concept of working together, to achieve a common mission, to save the damsel in distress trapped by her evil sisters. Come to think of it, don’t you think Cinderella would have been a much better story if Prince Charming had a team to get past the evil step sisters?


Secondly, accomplishing tasks set out by the bridesmaids make us feel, macho.

Do 20 pushups? No sweat!Drink concentrated lemon juice? Piece of cake!

Eat chili padi smothered For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Chinese wedding festivities,in Wasabi? No.. no problem.

Wear bra & panties and dance a sexy dance? Err.. ok

Swing a banana between our legs and let another one of us catch it with our mouth?

Eh you think what? Striptease show ah???

But, no problem. We macho.


Lastly, we, always win.


Leave some love below! <3